Aug 11, 2012

Nikos Deja Vu - First Love

First love

Theoretically first love can happen in any age or not happen at all. But most people had fallen in love for the first time when they were teenagers.
That exciting new experience most of us remember very well during all our life. For an adult his/her own high school problems and the problems of their children seem very funny, silly and simple especially compared with all the difficulties of adult life.
Somehow we forget how tragic and full of drama life and relationships were than in our adolescence.

Than a teenager falls in love and it happens for the first time he/she feels all it’s ups and downs for the first time either. In that age we mostly enjoy ourselves and study the new emotions inside than show much interest for the inner world of our first boy/girlfriend.
Once we start to show interest to the persons of the other sex and a little later instinctively choose our first love. The relationships between two sexes will interest and trouble us during all our future life but these first steps are always the most difficult and for some of us turn to be very painful.
Teenager has a growing and changing body that he/she hasn’t started to understand yet and a delicate soul which is so easy to hurt.
Adults very often don’t take this first affection for serious, they may laugh at it, preach, tell their children that they are too young to really feel anything, that his or her object isn’t a good pair for him or her, they may try obey them stop seeing their boy/girlfriend.
This is all very wrong. No one can stop anybody from falling in love especially when it’s so beckoning with the novelty.

Wise adults can only try to support their young comrade to pass this complicated with the least wounds and hurt. The feelings of adolescents are as changeable as their mood. So the first love usually goes very soon after it comes.
The mission of people around is to show that it’s not the end of world and that a teenager is not alone, that there still stay people who love him/her and in their love he/her can’t be sure. The first love is only the first lesson to learn but it like Alphabet stays in the basic of the whole future relationships of a human.

Very often we cherish these memories a lot, sometimes idealise them, remember the first love as something very innocent and fragile. If something went wrong than some people may have some problems with starting new relationships, they may even achieve come serious complexes that will be spoiling their relationships all the time.
But there’s no such low that tells we all fall in love for the first time in our adolescence if not with our coevals, than with our favourite teaches, famous actors and pop-stars.

Yes, teenagers searching an ideal love object in the real life and not finding it there can turn to TV-screen heroes, or persons who are elder and seem wiser and more experienced when the people of the same with them age.

Of cause most adults don’t take these kid’s falling for them too serious. It passes as does the hysterical passion for the pop-stars. But still some people don’t fall in love at this age of first love at all, they have some boy/girlfriends in order not to differ from others, to satisfy curiosity and a booty call, they may really like the coevals they have relationships with, but still it nothing serious.

For those people their first love may come later, and the feeling will be the same new and surprising for them as for the teenagers.
But Bernard Show said that if you haven’t fallen in love till you’re forty you already shouldn’t do it after.

Love declarations

How to declare your love in order to get a positive answer? Well first of all you have to be sure that you have the reciprocity. If you don’t have no guarantees of that you’d better ask yourself if you are ready to get refused.

And if you are not try do get a little bit closer to your object, to learn more about him or her in order to understand what he or she feels.

If you can’t stay silent no more and want to declare your feelings whatever the reaction may follow still try to make in a way that will be the most acceptable for you both and won’t only push your object away.

Demonstrative personalities like loud and bright love declarations probably in public. It can be a heap of red roses, or huge inscription on the wall, serenades under the balcony.

You may fall on your knees and read a love poem in a loud voice, you can glue your printed love declaration all around, you may appeal to people around telling her (or maybe him) about your feeling. If your object is really one of those people who like to demonstrate their relationships and feelings in public she/he will be impressed by your bravery, imagination and the strength of your feeling (although it’s said that only that one who doesn’t feel anything can speak about the love in the beautiful words).

And if you don’t have the reciprocity yet such a declaration can be one step forward to it.

But in an object of your love is shy, modest or just reserved and doesn’t like to attract an extra-attention to his/her person this kind of a declaration won’t do and you may get a negative answer even if your object has some kind of a sympathy to you.

Words of love said in privacy or whispered in the ear don’t loose any bit of their meaning and probably even gain some.

However you would declare your love be sincere, don’t try to impress or to take your object by surprise, don’t be too pushy, don’t ask for a definite answer at the same moment. Just let the one know that you differ him or her from the other people, that he/she means something special and serious for you.

Love declarations usually come naturally when two people are seeing each other for some time already and are quiet sure about the feelings of each other. Nobody gets prepared to declare his/her love to a partner.

it usually comes all of a sudden, by some impulse or just by the way. And when couple has a long-lasting relationships everyday small signs of attention, care and support will say more than all love poems in the world, though such romantic love declarations are very nice either.

By the way if you are shy or can’t find the words to say about your love you can always do by any means of communication which are plenty today, though only after oral love declaration you can observe the very first reaction and expect the most sincere answer.

If you hear “no” in the an answer to the declaration of your feeling don’t loose your hope all at once (exception is when your object starts laughing in your face). You may ask him/her to stay friends, to meet sometimes for a coffee and a chat.

Don’t complain, whine or get glued, be pleasant and try to keep some contact. Most people can’t stay completely indifferent to a person who has distinguished them from all other.

The one who’s listened to your declaration can starts looking at you more attentively because you are the one who sees in him ore her some features of which the others probably have no idea.

Who knows maybe later on this interest may turn to a sympathy or something more or otherwise you may study your object of love better, see it’s real face beyond your fantasies and start feeling a little less in love.

One more question about love declarations – who is supposed to do it first. Traditionally it’s men who declare their feelings first and it’s women who sigh out in answer a languid “yes”. Nowadays both men and women are free to speak about their love and feelings first.

Of cause the traditions aren’t totally overcome in people’s mind. Women often are too shy or too proud to do it firsts. Men usually don’t know how to behave in the answer and what to do, they may even get scared and push the woman away.

And women are less prepared to hear “no” and can get deeply hurt by it. Just is you feel you’re unable to conceal your feelings no longer – declare them but mind that your object doesn’t get responsible for you after it.

Nikos Deja Vu

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